It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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