Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
