were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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