just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
