Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
