My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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