I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
