I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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