I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
