It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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