Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
