he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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