I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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