Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
