I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
