Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize