Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I did not marry a roomba.
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