this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
