Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
