we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
