dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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