Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
