Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
