I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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