I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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