I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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