He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
