My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
