I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
