I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
