About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
