theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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