watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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