Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize