Screwed.edu
Fuck appropriateness.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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