listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
