I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
