so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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