areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i came on her dog
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
