How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
