apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
