I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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