This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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