It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
