My first STD was from a foam party
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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