I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
