I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
