so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize