So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
