You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
