He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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