around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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