I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
