guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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