she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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