I wish I only lived at night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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