Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
