I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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