the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize