True but thats because hes a fetus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
