i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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