I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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