he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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